he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
