im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
