i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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