Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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