hotel room ftw
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
