your room smells of hookers.
And success
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
