How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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