Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
