He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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