evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize