Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
