Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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