i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
