it was like having sex with a tree stump
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
