We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
