You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
