yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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