Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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