His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
