im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
