we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
