Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
