you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
