I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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