Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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