omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
