I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
