I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
