i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
