how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
