Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
