And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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