Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I deserve this hangover.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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