i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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