Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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