its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
