fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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