What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
