Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
