Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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