I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
