Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
