so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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