Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
PANTIES FOUND
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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