Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
