Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
soo... how was my night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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