i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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