The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
