I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
