She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
