He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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