The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize