She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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