I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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