she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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