We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
