Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
