somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
