Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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