Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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