how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
