Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In America we eat man semen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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