You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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