i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
