you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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